The Morrisette Trial

William Galfinnan was arrested in the early hours of yesterday morning for repeatedly defacing the lyrics to the Alanis Morrisette classic "Ironic".

The court heard several eye witness accounts which claimed that the defendant, Mr W. Galfinnan, crassly posted alternative versions of the globally acclaimed hit song on his blog "http://www.firingmrt.blogspot.com/".

The court heard the following exert:

And isn't it slightly Kubrick...don't you think
A little Stanley Kubrick...and, yeah, I really do think...

It's like puddles of half eaten diiiiice on a half bent day,
It's the liquid priiiiide that you just didn't drink
It's the homo-erotic connotations that Corrination street brings
And Who would've thought... Lions have ATTITUDE!

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on Pike
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you catch pike.

The case continues.......

The French Knee Maker

Belico Diver was French. Well, he knew a guy who's Auntie went to chess club that was run by a bloke named Aidy Petit, but still.

Belicio also had an amazing gift. He made Knee's for a living. He discovered his knee crafting skills whilst Kiaking in Mumbai where he concocted a mixture of powdered river, night, a single droplet of Mumbanian Nockle Root and finally, Tesco value Jam.

After a few tweaks, Belicio's formula became a village hit and soon spread nationwide. He had given hope to millions of patients from Scunthorpe to The Pillow Islands and was awarded the key to the city of Checkers, Bampton UK.

Belicio has 5 sons - Cone, Luker, The sign , March Dancer and Wilf and is happily married to Veronica (aka my little china doll). They live in the So region in Pars, France.

The Lemonade Renegade

There's a balanced banana on top of the microwave.

Not inside it.

Edward Vinegar.....Check. Carl McCombland.... Check.

The slinky clock above the fridge reads 10:48pm. It's getting on.There's a long trip to Stoke-Newington in store tomorrow, so now's the time to make some hot Chocolate and slink off to the bedded pads.

11:36pm - The book entitled "The Lemonade Renegade" sits on the bedside table.

Laying. Awake. Is that a crack in the ceiling? A fine slither of light manages to poke it's way through. It travels across the rooms outline - up into the corners and along the skirting board. Up along the window sill and around the door frame. The light is now piercing.

Hello?

The light is now piercingly white  and it's coupled by the faint sound of "Don't go breaking my heart" by Elton John.

Simultaneously the seam of the cracks completely shatter to reveal the light behind it, as well as an outline of....is that....nah....is that what I think it is.....?

A Man with white vans for hands!!

Mr Norris Thung

He lives in a house 3 stories tall,
A bell made of butter is how most people call.
He has exactly 3.5 friends, who he names by number,
Per.5, peter and a large guy named Zumba.

I'll happily describe him in few little words,
Tall, see-through and appreciated by nerds.
He owns a worried fish called Ken and a dog called glasslung,
I proudly present the ever changing world of Mr Norris Thung.

Blue grass fields

I'm looking out to where the sky is jade green,

The fields run blue grass and the trees are orangey cream.

I'll try real hard to describe what else I can see,
Floating cloud lanterns and a mirror faced daisy.

My whole view is consumed by haze as I perch atop this crumbly ruin,
I can't see all the way down, I can only focus on a thousand blades of electric blue grass.The Jade sky produces light flashes that ressemble Red Snapper scales. The haze has started to form odd moving figures. I can't even begin to describe them. They are huge in size, oozing wild in their eyes.

The Corn Run

Having just opened the stray wallet,
its contents appears to be random.
The main glug of the wallet has got one playing card inside, half ripped.
An un-popped coin compartment contains a cartoon ring.
And the card slots seem to be housing what looks like a "Shopping List"

The list read:

Sweetcorn (Green Giant)
Low fat sweetcorn
Corn on the Cob
Corn puree
Popcorn
Corned beef
Pepper corns
Corn Flower

It's just really odd, this.
On the flipside of the piece of paper it reads Yellow Shopping.
Where's the other half of the playing card?
Someone's coming over, I'm putting it back!

Rocket Lollies and The Marmite Geese

He sips his drink.
The fire is well lit - an indication of his organised character.
He takes his reading glasses off and stares into the dimmest part of the
fire.
Like a flaming bouquet it spills and flutters like an ill pigeon.
Did I do enough? Did I do too much? What could I have done if I was
given the chance?
He puts his glasses back on and resumes the "in paper favourite" Ruffle
in order to whittle down the evening.
It's not out of choice that he entertains what is at very best, a very dull number
puzzle.
The reason is because the TV is beginning to ooze marmite shaped geese
from the screen again.
Did I do enough? He asks again.
A stray fly still kicks about from the Indian summer past.
It's pathetic.
It's random movements in mid air serves as a stark reminder that when
the going gets tough, flies are poor navigators. There's no excuse for
it.
He grabs a VERY old rocket lolly from the freezer. Must be 2 Summers
old.
He just about manages to un-peel the tacky, frozen wrapper before
dangling it in front of the fire.
He times how long it takes to completely melt...
32 secs.
He lobs the stick into the fire and licks the overly sweet remains off
his 4 fingered hand.
He reverses back and mis judges where his chair is placed.
There he lay. On the flaw, mildly embarrassed.
As he lays there, with sticky rocket fingers, the fly lands on his nose.
Could this get any worse?
Something strange is creeping up his knee.
An itch? No, it's lasting too long for an itch, besides, it feels heavy.
Its the gaggle of marmite geese. S**T.
Disabled on the floor, covered in marmite and rocket juice the fly
nestles into his nostril.
Fin.